Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer, as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
Customer: "Norm!"
Norm: [quietly] "Not now!"
[the bar is completely different, since Sam went sailing around the world and sold the bar]
Norm: "Hey, everybody."
Woody: "Norm!" [nobody else in the bar says anything]
Norm: "That's it, I'm leaving."
"Hey, everybody."
[silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
[carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
"Norm!" (Norman.)
"How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?"
"Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer."
"What's the good word, Norm?"
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz."
"Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
"One heartburn cocktail coming up."
"What's up, Norm?"
"Corners of my mouth, Coach."
"What's up, Norm?"
"Everything that's supposed to be."
"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there!"
"What's up, Normie?"
"The temperature under my collar, Coach."
"What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."
"Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?"
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."
"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."
"How about a beer, Norm?"
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life."
"Beer, Normie?"
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young."
"How's about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"
"Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"
"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter, Wood."
"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."
"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."
"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
"Norm, you ever think about having kids?"
"I can't...I look at Vera and I just can't."
"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can."
"Would you like a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."
"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes."
"What'd you say, Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."
"What would you say to a beer, Norm?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in town?"
(Coming in from the rain)
"Evening everybody."
Everybody: "Norm!"
"Still pouring, Norm?"
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."
"Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."
"How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."
"What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
"Going Down?"
"What'll it be, Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."
"What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."
"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."
"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."
"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."
"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."
"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."
"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."
"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"
"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."
"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."
"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."
"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."
"What's the story, Norm?
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."